As soon you hit the first bump, it’s not uncommon to start yapping. All your friends become privy to your most intimate details. They start hating the “wrongdoer” on your behalf. They might even tell you to break up with him. And you might. You feel good commiserating, lucky to have such great friends.
Then an amazing thing happens and you and your love interest get back together. Whatever you told your friends in a fit of anger is in their hard drive. They will remember it forever. They may tell you you’re crazy for getting back together. And in some cases, they might be right. But in others, they could be 100% wrong.
Let’s face it; they only heard all the bad stuff you told them. You were so angry when you vented, you left out the good parts. And there are always good parts along with the bad.
If you want to avoid such a situation, then next time you have a fight or argument with your significant other, keep it to yourself. Talk it out with your mate, go to therapy. As long as there’s a chance the relationship can work, stay silent. Your friends don’t have all the information. They love you, so they more than likely will side with you, fueling the fire of anger. And who knows, you might have a part in why you’re going through the rough patch in the first place. Relationship problems aren’t usually one-sided. They can be quite complicated.
Most friends are well meaning, but very biased. So, try to work through your rough patch with the person involved. And if you need a third party, choose an objective trained professional, not friends with their own experience and bias.
If you really feel compelled to talk to your friends about your current troubles, try to be honest, and tell the whole story. Include things you’ve done which may have exacerbated the situation, and/or issues that you may have to work on yourself. Relationships are always a two-way street. The lanes go both ways. Don’t just talk about the lane you’re on.
After all is said and done, no one knows the relationship like that people that are in it.
NOTE: If you really have a serious situation, and you’re being abused, by all means, talk to your friends and/or a professional. There is no time, if you’re being verbally or physically abused, where it’s a good thing to work things out. You have to know when it’s critical to get out safely.
Relationships are hard enough without adding friends to the mix. So don’t!