There’s a guy that is constantly haggling me to go out with him. He sits next to me all the time, almost begging for attention. Yet, he’s shy around all his friends. He does the awkward hugs and is a nice guy, but I just flat out don’t see it going anywhere. I’ve tried to tell him we’re just friends, but he doesn’t seem to listen. How can I get the point across without being mean?

Question:

There’s a guy that is constantly haggling me to go out with him. He sits next to me all the time, almost begging for attention. Yet, he’s shy around all his friends. He does the awkward hugs and is a nice guy, but I just flat out don’t see it going anywhere. I’ve tried to tell him we’re just friends, but he doesn’t seem to listen. How can I get the point across without being mean?

Answer:

Thanks for your question; it’s a good one. It’s hard for love-struck guys/girls to hear that someone is not interested in them, no matter how many clues are given.  You know the saying “Love is Blind.” And Deaf.  I know you don’t want to be mean, but you do have to be clear.

Here are some tips:  I know you’ve done this, but tell him again you’re not interested in a relationship with him.  Look directly at him with a neutral, but firm expression as you tell him. Do it privately as not to embarrass him.  Don’t, under any circumstances, leave the door of possibility open to him by saying you’re “not interested right now.”  That will give him hope. Avoid the places where you know he’ll be as much as possible. If you have to go there, don’t go alone; if at all possible, find a friend to go with you. You may need to cut contact off completely.  That means you don’t even hang out as friends.  He’s not ready for that.  If he still doesn’t respect your wishes and continues to haggle you, you may have to tell him that you’ll report him to your teacher, or boss.  This is a last resort.

I hope that helps.