Let’s face it, relationships are challenging, even under the best circumstances. You have two people coming together, often from completely different backgrounds, each equipped with their own set of baggage. At first everything seems great; the veil of “lust at first sight” hides anything you may not find attractive. You feel an incredible high, and everything seems perfect. Your love interest can do no wrong.
Then a few months pass. The veil starts to lift. You notice he’s messy. He notices you have serious OCD. You notice he’s always late. He notices you hate to talk about feelings. You notice he doesn’t keep his word. He notices you nag him about it. And on it goes. Eventually the veil lifts altogether and you see your love interest for who he/she really is—just a regular person with flaws like everyone else.
Sometimes you struggle through all the differences and come out on the other side. You learn to manage the issues because the love outweighs the flaws, and you’re willing to accept them. Other times, however, you don’t make it through. For one of you, the problems are too great and steps are taken to break things off.
Rarely is a break up mutual. One person typically wants to hang on. They beg, promise they’ll change, and cry on the phone for another chance; mostly to no avail. The break up happens anyway. So now what?
If you’re the one being left, here are some suggestions:
1) Let go gracefully. He is not the only one for you. You CAN live without him. He is not your “life.”
2) Accept the decision and move on. Don’t obsess about him, or put him on a pedestal. If he left you, he’s not the one!
3) Socialize with your friends, but don’t allow your conversations to center solely around the break up, and your “lost love.”
4) Cry if you must, it might help you feel better, but then get moving.
5) Resist the urge to call, text, and beg. This will only make you look worse in his eyes, affirming his decision to leave you.
6) Don’t start looking through old photos, or videos, and listening to sad ballads. Delete the photos and play uplifting music.
7) Don’t make it about you! “What did I do wrong? I must be a terrible person.” If he left, it might just be about him.
Remember there is not just one person out there for you. He was just one option. Use this time to re-acquaint yourself with you. Everyone gets left at one point or another. It’s a part of life; a right of passage, if you will. Live your life, and when you least expect it, there he’ll be!
What if you’re the one doing the leaving? Look for Part 2 coming soon.