“She’s my mother! She’s supposed to love me!”
Not necessarily. Unfortunately we don’t get to choose our mothers. We’re just born to them. Who we get is it! We don’t have a choice in the matter. Some of you may be born to psychologically and physically healthy mothers, others may be born to psychologically wounded mothers, or mothers who become sick and die. It’s a roll of the dice. Not much that can be done about it.
Before a mother becomes a parent, she’s simply a woman. She herself may have come from a mother who wasn’t the best; who didn’t treat her as she might have liked. Unless she recognizes early on that she’s harboring deep psychological wounds, and that there’s help out there for them, she will continue to live with her pain, and sadly, maybe take her problems out on her children.
It’s hard for kids, and sometimes adults, to understand that the way their parents treat them is not a reflection on them, but on the parent. It’s difficult to see past the “Mommy” who’s supposed to love them, but doesn’t know how. What she says, then, often becomes gospel, when in fact, it isn’t. Not if she’s psychologically unhealthy. Many children and adults suffer at the hands of mothers who just don’t know how to be mothers. Too often the messages to their children are lies and abusive, which cause the child to believe they’re no good, that they’re unworthy. They then carry those false messages into their adult years, and their relationships.
If you recognize that you have an unhealthy mother, it can be confusing and disconcerting. It’s important, however, to separate yourself from that toxicity. That’s one of the best ways to heal. If you stay in the hurtful situation, your wounds continue to be re-opened on a regular basis. Above all, don’t take anything personally. It’s coming from an unreliable source.
Know that you are special, unique, and have a wealth of untapped potential. If you received bad, untrue messages growing up, then you’ll have to replace those with your own new and positive messages. Don’t allow yourself to believe the hurtful things that were told to you. No matter what the messenger looked like, no good and healthy person attacks their children, or in cases of divorce, talk bad about the other parent. That’s called parental alienation, and it’s poison.
Believe in yourself. No one has the right to diminish you, no matter who they are. You are worthy of love, acceptance, and happiness.