Looking for The One?

I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked, “How do I find ‘The One?'”

Lots of people believe that The One, their soulmate, will appear one day and they’ll just know. And who knows, maybe they will.

Relationships, however, aren’t always, if ever, that magical. They may start out like that because usually the vision for those in “lust” is blurred, but eventually the vision clears, and voila, you SEE the real person behind all that attraction. That’s just the way it goes.

In order to find The One, you have to be The One. What do I mean by this? It means you have to be the Best You Possible (BYP), and you have to be Genuine. Often people fake their way through a relationship so they can “hook” the person they want. They might pretend to love baseball, video games, chic flicks, children, etc., whatever they deem necessary to achieve their desires. But what will that do?

That might get someone to possibly fall in love with your FAKE self. But eventually, the fake self will wear off. A fake self cannot last long; it’s too much work. By being genuine you allow the natural process of the other person’s realistic reactions to you to take place in a reliable manner. Anything else won’t do. Or, it won’t do for long. The more you misrepresent yourself, the more you warp the necessary process of really getting to know someone and making a decision based on true facts.

What else? To find The One, don’t act needy or desperate. That will just create the opposite effect. No one likes needy or desperate people. Respect yourself enough to set boundaries. Show confidence in your abilities, and in who you are as a person. People are attracted to that; it’s like a moth being drawn to a light. Be the light!

Once you think you might have found The One, make sure you’re on the same page in regards to the big things. The BIG things are:

Money: who will handle the finances? Is one the better saver? Who is the big spender? Will they spend every cent, then more?

Children: do both of you want them? If so, how many? If not, will that be okay? How will they be raised? Will one of you stay home? Or will both of you work? If so, who will take care of them?

In-laws: how involved will they be in your lives? As they age, who will be there to help them? Will they live with you, or be placed in an assisted living situation?

Communication: learn how to do this! It is critical in order to keep a relationship in good standing. Bad communication will sink the relationship faster than the iceberg sank the Titanic.

You may think I’ve taken the romance out of finding The One. Maybe I have. But don’t you want The One to truly be The One? Not someone you lured into your web with false claims and a dangling carrot?

The idea of soulmates is quite romantic. But finding The One/Your Soulmate, doesn’t mean you won’t encounter relationship problems. That’s a given.

In order to have a successful relationship there has to be a lot of work put into it, whether it’s The One or the possibility of him/her being The One. Every person is complex. Every relationship is complex. Things are going to challenge the couple; that’s just the way it is. But in spite of this, success can be attained. Maybe The One didn’t start out as such, but turned into them with lots of nurturing, care, and respect.

Sometimes you don’t find The One, you create them!