“He’s the Man of My Dreams . . . or at Least He Will Be After I Make A Few Changes!”

It’s no secret that people, women in particular, are under the false impression that they can change a man at their whim. As though they had a magic wand to wave above their heads, whenever the urge hit. There’s no magic wand!

Here’s an example. A woman meets a guy, and falls hard. “He’s so cute, and he works out, and he likes the same music I do! He’s my Soul Mate!” This is after one date. A week later, Said Woman discovers that he likes the same movies, and puppies, and thinks, How did I get this lucky? He really is my Soul Mate, just like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. Sigh!

Several weeks later, after the curtain of lust begins to lift, Said Woman discovers that Soul Mate drinks. Too much. But it’s okay; Said Woman will get him to stop. One little minor flaw. No biggie.

Three weeks go by, and Said Woman discovers that Soul Mate spends more time with his buddies than he does with her. But it’s okay; she’ll change that right quick. She’ll make herself more alluring.

And so the story goes . . .

Here’s the absolute truth: YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE!

Have you ever tried changing yourself? You know how hard that is, right? What makes you think that you’ll be able to change another person? If Soul Mate does make a few changes because you asked him to, you can bet they’re temporary. The change needs to come from Soul Mate himself.

Understand that what you see is what you get. I’m not saying that change can never happen. It certainly can. But don’t bank on it. Don’t get with someone because you think you’ll be able to get him to stop drinking, smoking, hanging out with his buddies, and be the father of your babies, etc.

If you’re okay with what you get, then keep it. Don’t secretly think you’re going to turn him into The Perfect Man. There is no such thing. Some things are deal breakers; other things you will be willing to accept. It’s your choice, but what you see is what you get.

You also need to realize that the original package isn’t going to stay like that forever. Someone’s true nature always reveals itself in time. Everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning. Aren’t you?

  • Jeri Bell

    One of, if not THE most important FACT about relationships.

    • askjoshsmom

      I hear it all the time. People really believe they can change another human being. Ha!